Update to Our Law Firm

We are pleased to announce that Attorney Jeffrey M. Dunn has now been made a name partner, and the firm name has changed to Murphy & Dunn, P.C. Look for new and exciting changes over the next few weeks.

The Facebook Effect

As unbelievable as it may sound, Facebook is changing the world of family law and divorce. The more you post, the more likely it is that what you post will be used against you in your divorce or post decree case. Just this week, a doctor's wife was served with papers requesting that alimony or maintenance be terminated because she was allegedly living with her boyfriend from Florida. All of the ex-husbands information and alleged evidence came from Facebook posts by the ex-wife. We will ultimately win the case because she is not living with her boyfriend. However, it will be a big fight and expensive. All of this would have been avoided if the ex-wife had simply not posted so much personal information on Facebook. I know it is a great way to keep in communication with your friends, but don't forget it is essentially public information. Do not post anything that you don't want the whole world, including your ex-spouse, to know.

Can't We Just All Get Along, Unfortunately No

I finished a divorce case recently with two parties that have several million dollars worth of assets. They completed their divorce case in less than three months and between them spent less than $7,000.00 in total attorney fees. They cooperated well together for the best interest of themselves and their children. We represented the husband and the wife had one of my main competitors, a top notch divorce attorney in Peoria. What that case showed is that parties in a divorce do not have to hate each other and spend tens of thousands of dollars on their legal fees to get a fair and proper settlement. It does not matter whether you have ten thousand dollars worth of net worth or ten million, the issues are the same and you do not have to litigate everything to death just because you have a high net worth or because you have the money to pay the fees. Just because you have the ability to spend money on attorney fees doesn't mean you should.

On the other hand, several years ago, I handled a divorce for a couple that were only married two years and had no children. Both worked and had the ability to get a nice smooth divorce with minimal expense. It should have been quick and painless, with minimal attorney fees. Instead, the husband, who was an engineer, decided he wanted to act like they were never married, and wanted to go back and argue over every penny earned and every asset acquired during the short term marriage. That position was contrary to the law. Ultimately we prevailed for the wife and he lost. However, he caused the divorce to go on for over a year and they spent over $15,000.00 in total attorney fees. All because he was unreasonable and wanted to fight.

The moral of the story is that a divorce can be as smooth or as difficult as the clients and as the attorneys make it. If you want to get along, a fair resolution can be found with reasonable cost and expense. If you want to be unreasonable, then the attorneys win and it costs a lot to both clients, both in time, money and emotions.

School and Extra-Curricular Activities

Most people seem to understand that whatever we put in a Court Order is a good basic framework for real life issues. However, it is just a framework for big ticket items. We cannot micro-manage every single thing that could ever happen in real life. There is no court Order, or no Judge or Attorney that can cover each and every issue that might come up. That is why parents need to work together at least a little bit to help raise their children post divorce, regardless of who has custody.

One issue that frequently comes up is the issue of kids school and extra-curricular activities. What to do about them, and what is a reasonable number of activities. First, there is no right answer. Each child has unique gifts  and talents and both parents need to allow their children to blossom and grow in whatever direction they might go. Some kids love sports, others band or music. Some excel in theatre, some not. Whatever your child does, it should be reasonable and include input from both parents if possible. If you get both parents on board with the activity, it is likely they will cooperate with same, go to the events, take the child to practices, etc. If you ram the activity down the other parent's throat, it usually means missed practices and games, or missed visitation. These are all problems that can be avoided if both parents talk to each other and treat each other with respect.

It truly is all about perception. If you think the other parent is doing what is best for your child, you will work together. If you think the other parent is trying to interfere with your time or visitation, or with your relationship with your child, you will not get along. Try the first way first. Cooperation and communication are the key. Children just want to love you both and get along. They just want to participate in their fun activity. They just want to be kids. Stay out of their way and watch them shine.

Take a Deep Breath and a Step Back Before You ask for a Custody Trial

Today I had a frantic phone call on a Sunday afternoon from a client who had a major fight with his wife and thought his entire custody deal was going to fall through, and it might. However, my first statement to him was to take a deep breath and take a step back. There would always be time to have a full blown custody trial, but there was only now the time and ability to stop a custody battle from happening. He needed to relax and not jump off the deep end just because his wife was angry and threatening him. Unfortunately, that is not unusual in divorce cases. Spouses get mad and they threaten each other. So do the attorneys. That is just the way it is.

However, it does give me a chance to make sure clients understand that a divorce case, and especially a custody case, is a marathon, and not a sprint. Slow down, take a deep breath, and often times cooler heads can prevail. That is my job. To get people to settle down and act rationally and logically when the whole world is falling down around them and they don't know where to turn. Turn to us for help. That is why we are here.

We Work Together, Not As Indentured Servants

Nothing ever amazes me more than how clients sometimes treat their own lawyers. Going through a divorce is tough. I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone. Clients are emotional. The attorneys are emotional. The Judges can be difficult. But one thing that is amazing is how many times clients want to argue with their own lawyers.

I have taken over cases for other lawyers hundreds of times, and not once has a client told me his or her former lawyer did a good job. It is inevitable that when a client switches lawyers, they don't like their old lawyer. Why is that? It is simple. They either lost a hearing, lost the case, or didn't tell the client what they wanted to hear. Usually the client owes the former lawyer money. In any case, it makes for a bad situation.

What is even more amazing is when your own client tells you, as their current attorney, what to do and how to do it. I received an email today from a new client that essentially told me and my office exactly what we were going to do and how we were going to do it, and that if we didn't agree with everything she said, then she would get another lawyer. We were told flat out the we worked for her and she was in charge. This is the nice version of the email.

Unfortunately, what the client wanted was not realistic or reasonable, or even legally possible. As a result, she got what she wanted. We told her to get another lawyer. It is not that we did not want to help her, but we could not do what she wanted.

The bottom line is that we are a team with our clients. We work together to achieve the desired result. We aren't indentured servants that must do whatever a client wants, even if it is wrong, just because he or she wants it. Our job is to protect our own clients, sometimes from themselves. Our job is not to be a slave to a client's unreasonable and improper demands. Thus, if you hire us as your lawyer to represent you, let us do our job properly. We will do our best to win the case for you. Just give us a little help.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Blood is thicker than water. How does that statement apply to custody and divorce. It applies to mean that families stick together. Don't count on in-laws or your spouses friends and family to be on your side. After doing this work for 23 years, rarely have I ever seen a spouses family member or friend ever testify against their own blood relative or friend.

The moral of the story is "Don't count on your spouses family to help you". You could be the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law in the world, but the minute you file for divorce or want more time with your son or daughter, it's likely they will no longer be on your side. The rare exception is when a child has a drug, alcohol or abuse problem that is really serious. On those occasions, sometimes a grandmother or grandfather will help you only to protect their grandchildren.

It makes sense. Blood is thicker  than water. Your parents and relatives can't divorce you. Thus, if everything is as planned, they will be there for you if you need them, regardless of your past history. All you have to do is ask.

Ed Murphy
www.murphy-law-group.com